mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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