I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
