FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
