I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
