and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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