you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
