I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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