3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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