guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
