i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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