he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
