from now on my penis is your penis
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
