So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
