yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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