Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
