so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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