We won't sleep together?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
