everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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