Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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