haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
