i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
