Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My dick has a subreddit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
