i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
