A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
