New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
