Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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