she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
