so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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