I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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