so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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