I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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