4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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