it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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