have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
