Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize