just tell him i said nine months
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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