Nicole vs. Life
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
