Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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