Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
