hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
