I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
