you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
