I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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