and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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