I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize