We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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