Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize