Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
