Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
