You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize