every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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