we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize