oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize