So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
