I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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