What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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