I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
