I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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