Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
