Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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