I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
