I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
