She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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