I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
